A School Dance Made Interesting
by Twist
Summary: PG for some naughty stuff. Not bad though. Not unless you know about the 'el dinero' dance... Just something I thought of the other night, please R&R!


**gettin' jiggy wit' it  
By: Twist  
**

A/n: Howdy-ho all! How y'alls doing? Wellup, since you asked I just got back from my school dance and decided to write a fic about what my friends and I fantasized about on the way to Miccy D's. Remember, this is a dream and did not actually happen in real life. No Discworld characters were harmed involuntarily in the making of this fic.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except myself and my sexy pants. I all belongs to pTerry or the DJ or my school or someone. McFlurries belong to Miccie D's. I don't need to be sued. Thank you.  
  
~* Magik Faerie Noise*~  
  
The camera zooms in on a large brick building; the school of doom. There are multiple cars out front and many children can be seen in the gym lobby. Some of them are chatting, some are enjoying the "refreshing" beverages provided by the student council.   
As the camera pulls back, a teenaged girl wearing blue capris, a pink and blue pinstriped shirt and large clunky sandals is running up the sidewalk. On closer inspection, it shows that her gel-tortured hair is pulled back into a high ponytail and is streaked with blue. This girl's name is Twist. Now that that's over with, let us move on.  
The camera surveys Twist as she clunks her way up the cement stairs and into the gym lobby. The music from the dance can be heard all they way our here. First, it is heard by the ears, then the ribcage begins to vibrate as the bass gets to you. Twist quickly flashes her student ID and throws her ticket onto the table. The security fails to notice that the student ID was from seventh grade. Twist grins charmingly at the man with the bad toupee (her principal) and walks calmly into the gym, looking for her friends.  
Guinea is the first one spotted, being the only girl in the gym attempting to kick Kyle Hampson's head in. Kedavra and Luggnut watch on in amusement. Twist walks up to her friends, flashing a smile at her boyfriend as she passes him. Paul waves, and continues dissing Scott's shirt. "In Too Deep" by Sum41 is blaring over the speakers; this promises to be a good dance.  
Half an hour passes, Twist and her friends getting funky, talking to their teachers, dancing with their boyfriends and generally having a good time. No one in the gym expected what happened next.  
Well, what happened first wasn't exactly strange; Alien Ant Farm merely came onto the speakers and a mosh pit was started. The odd thing was, four men usually don't fall from seemingly thin air and onto poor Mr. Martin. Twist takes this into stride, apologizes to Paul for the momentary inconvenience and strides over, lecturing to the general world that fictional characters have no sense of timing. People stared. Mr. Crackovic ran over to the men and started bawling them out for being rapists and threatened to call the police. One of the men was insisting that he _was_ the police, while the other was standing behind him, nodding and smoking a dogend. Mr. OD (assistant principal) was appalled and began shouting at that man as well.  
Twist sauntered into the middle of the fray, resulting in raised eyebrows from her teachers and the beginning of a lecture from her principal. The only sound heard was Britney Spears' voice as it sang "Oops, I Did It Again" when Twist extended her hand to the tallest of the men. It got even quieter when he shook it. The silence was broken when Twist cried:  
"Yo! My homie, Joe! What's going on? Brought everyone this time, didn't ya?" Guinea was already discussing politics and assassination with one man who proved to be named Teppic and Kedavra was trying unsuccessfully to turn Commander Vimes on. Luggnutt and Nobby stood off to the side, not quite sure what to do.  
"Who are these men?" Mr. Crackovic growled dangerously, in the middle of Twist and "Joe's" conversation on the economy in Ankh-More-Pork. Joe merely gave the principal a dismissive look, and watched Twist amusedly for her response as the almighty-ruler of the school thrust a finger at her and accused her of using Guinea's lunch card against school rules. She grinned.  
"Mr. C," she replied, still grinning like a maniac, "I believe it's time you met some of my friends. This," she gestured to Joe, who nodded, "is Lord Havelock Vetinari, Patrician of Ankh-Morpork. That," she pointed to the monkey, "Is Corporal Nobbs, of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch. His commander," Vimes grunted, "is the honorable Commander Samuel Vimes, knight, Duke, and such. And lastly," she pointed to the tanned man with curly black hair, "is King Pteppicymon, or he was formally, anyway. He is a trained assassin." Everyone took a step back. And suddenly, there was a snort, and a giggle.  
Everyone in he gymnasium who was aware of what was going on turned to look at Miss S, coolest geography teacher alive. She was at this point leaning on Miss C (English) for support and shrieking with laughter. Mr. Martin was also having a hard time controlling himself.  
For these two teachers, unbeknownst to anyone else there except for Twist and her friends, were rabid Discworld fans, and knew exactly who Twist was talking about. Mr. M, eighth grade geography teacher, stepped forward. He adjusted his oversized glasses, and spoke.  
"There is no such place as Ankh-More-Pork," he said, painfully mincing the syllables. "Either Twist has finally cracked or she is part of a crime ring involving rapists and such." He glared at the men. "And we a a _democracy_, not a system of government based on wealth and power."  
Lord Vetinari looked affronted. "We're a democracy too, you know." Vimes stared. "Sort of," he added, shrugging hopelessly. "We vote on...some things...sort of..."  
Miss S was currently on the floor. Nobby had just told her a very amusing joke, apparently.  
"Where are you from?" Mr. OD asked again, his voice cracking painfully. Everyone present snickered.  
"We told you already," said Teppic, "Ankh-Morpork. It's a big city, on the Unnamed Continent...you know..." He looked around into the blank faces of all present, except for those who had had enough sense to read a Terry Pratchett book at some point.  
Mr. M coughed again. "Such a place does not exist," he said. "We have seven continents: Africa, Asia, North America, South America, Europe, Australia, and Antarctica. There is no 'Unnamed Continent'. And I am not aware of the existence of a city named... Ankh-More-Pork. You must be predators."  
Twist sighed. "I believe this requires a huddle, just a moment if you will. Homies?" The men and Twist's friends all gathered round her, and frantically whispering voices could be heard. There was a muffled shriek from Nobby at one point, but this might have been because Vetinari had just stepped on his foot. Weather it was on purpose or not was never clarified.  
Guinea cleared her throat and stood on tiptoe, reaching her full height of 6'. Twist loved her lack of ten inches. "Since it is widely believed that I am saner than my counterpart, Twist," she said, causing nods of agreement throughout the gym, "I have been chosen to explain this too you. There is a planet far away called the Discworld. It rides through the oblivion of space on the backs of four elephants. They, in turn, are carried upon the back of the great Sky Turtle, A'Tuin." She stopped to allow Matt time to catch up on what she had just said. "On this planet," she continued, after several minutes, "there are many kingdoms and city-states. Lance, Sto-Lat, Psuedopolis, and Quirm are just a few among them. Easily the largest and most powerful city state is Ankh-Morpork." Everyone glanced at where Vetinari should have been standing, but he was in the lobby sampling Coca-Cola for the first time. "This is where are friends are from, except for Teppic, who was born somewhere on the continent of Klatch." People stared.  
Miss S nodded. "'Tis true, my brothas and sistahs," she said, pretending to be a television evangelist. "This of which she speaks is so."  
"It's impossible," countered Mr. M. "A planet of such type cannot exist. The elephants would get friction burns rather quickly, first. Second, it is a fictional story made up by some British bugger." The room got, if possible, quieter. All Terry Pratchett fans rose up. Vetinari prepared a spitball and Teppic drew a blackened blade. Commander Vimes drew a sword with a metallic scraping noise and Nobby merely unbuttoned the top button on his shirt.  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Screamed Mr. M and he fled the room. Guinea shrugged, declared that was all and suddenly, it was as if nothing had ever happened. The students began screaming the words to Limp Bizkit's "Rollin'" and the four men were merely changed to the category of "four people you really ought to get to know."  
"That was fun," said Vetinari, and took another swig of Sprite. "Fizzy," he said, laughing hysterically, for the Ankh-Morporkian scientists had not yet discovered caffeine and soft drinks. Nobby was entranced by Britney Spears (sorry to all you Corporal Nobbs fans, but she's the only woman he deserves) and Guinea and Teppic got to know each other quite well. Several slow songs followed in which Twist remained amazingly faithful to Paul, Guinea danced with Teppic, Luggnut just stared, Nobby danced with my Spanish teacher (BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!) and Lord Vetinari and Miss S danced a little closer than necessary. Sadly, the dance ended, but the fun was not yet over.  
"'Scuse me, guys?" Twist ventured. "Umm, we have to leave the school now, the dance is kinda, over?" She watched carefully to see how it was received. Lord Vetinari had another swig of Sunkist and Nobby sat down. "We're all going to go down to the McDonald's, I think we have enough seatbelts..." she looked at her friends inquisitively. Kedavra nodded. "SO we're going to go out front now..." Twist and her friends led the way, watched Vetinari fall down the stairs, and waited for the cars to arrive.  
"What're those?" Vimes asked, eyeing the cars suspiciously. "Big carriage... thingies. Without horses." An inconsiderate driver then chose that moment to honk the horn. All of the characters jumped, and Vetinari fell over again. They watched in fascination as Drew climbed into his mother's car. "It ate him!" Vimes screamed. He drew his sword once more, to the alarm of many parents, and raced at the car, only to be restrained by Twist, her friends, Vetinari, Teppic, and Nobby.  
"Not to worry!" said Luggnut, hanging on to his arm, "It's perfectly safe, don't you worry a bit! It didn't eat him, it's just like a carriage, not a dragon!"  
"I want more soda," Vetinari mumbled, hanging on to the mad Commander's ankle - the only place that had really been convenient for him.  
"Can it," Guinea snapped. "We still have to get him into a car. That won't be a piece of cake..."  
All of the characters froze. Vimes slowly sheathed his sword. Then they all turned, slowly and deliberately, to face Guinea. Nobby's mouth was open in horror. McFlurries were being hastily explained to Lord Vetinari by Kedavra, which ended his problem with cars rather quickly.  
"You don't... You can't... _Into one of those?_" Nobby stuttered, pointing in alarm to the cars. "We'll die!"  
"Nah," Twist said carelessly, "Mi madre drives a Japanese car. Say what you like about being patriotic and driving a GMC, but those little Japenese buggers take care of you. Now, I can take three of you in my mom's car; Joe'd be best in Kedavra's group, it's only a five minute drive anyway. Teppic, why don't you go with Luggnut? And Vimes and Nobby can go with me and PotterFreak (name was changed for protection)."  
Twist gestured for Vimes and Nobby to follow, which they did with caution, led them through the perils of the parking lot, and introduced them to her mother, who forbade Nobby from getting in the car. After much trouble with bungee cords and rope, Nobby was securely fastened to the roof and Twist had managed to grab Nutzo and force Vimes into the car. He was strapped in between Nutzo and PotterFreak, so that they could hold him down if he began to panic. He did jump slightly when the car started but was too fascinated by the radio to freak out. We managed to arrive at McDonald's without great incident, and when we got out Vetinari was already running flat-out for the McFlurry machine.  
"What is he _on_?" asked Luggnut when they had gotten inside and discovered Vetinari pouring ice-cream into his mouth straight out of the machine. The McDonald's employees all looked frightened and very nervously took orders and fulfilled them. The only problem was no one could get a McFlurry or a milkshake, because when Twist had asked Vetinari to move and let the nice people use the machine he almost bit her and continued eating ice cream. Twist shrugged and sat with her friends to enjoy her fries.  
After many jokes about "el dinero" and Paco and a chase into the bathroom after Twist hit Luggnut with a spitball they decided that it was time to go home. The only problem was the fact that they needed to get the Discworld characters home, and they didn't know how to do this.  
"Maybe," Kate started, "if we could get them to do the 'el dinero' dance..." Guinea almost began to drool at the thought of Teppic dancing like that, "they would go back to wherever they came from." Everyone thought of each one doing the 'el dinero' dance and almost screamed at the thought of Nobby doing it. "No, no that wouldn't work," Kate corrected herself. "Perhaps the Paco walk..."  
"NO!" screamed Luggnut. "Never! My virgin imagination has been scorned! Help meee...." Guinea escaped, all thanks to the amazingly acrobatic tongue of Teppic. They were rather enjoying themselves. Twist was dragging Vetinari away from the McFlurry machine (it was empty anyway) and explaining the concept of a NordicTrak and a toothbrush to him. He was too tired to care anyway. Twist gave him a hug and sat him down on a plastic chair.  
"It always just kinda happened with the Harry Potter characters..." mused Guinea. "We just yelled at them and they went away..."  
"But they're so cute..." Twist sighed, gazing at Vetinari, who was sleeping on the table. "And I can't yell at them. Why don't we just ask A'Tuin to take 'em back?"  
"Good idea!" Kedavra agreed. Everyone excluding the adults formed a circle and began to chant:  
"TRALALALALALA!! Please, A'Tuin, take your people back to their planet and we will be happy, it you do not we shallt be forced to kick you terrapin ass!"  
This seemed to work, as the Discworld characters vanished and everyone noticed how tired they were.  
"And the fic wasn't even remotely insane..." Twist murmured, slouching out to the car.  
"Not to worry," said Guinea, patting Twist on the back. "You have a cliche in the works and that's plenty insane..."  
"Yeah..." Twist mumbled. "But only if I get reviews for this."  
Guinea scowled. "That's really pathetic you know, actually asking for reviews in an inconspicuous manner while the fic is still going on. You should be punished."  
"Mhmmm..." Twist mumbled, and looked up in alarm. "Oh, no..."  
"What?" Kedavra, Twist, Guinea, PotterFreak, Nutzo, Kate, Jack Riddle, and Swimmer looked around in alarm.  
"Constable Visit!" Twist screamed and ran for the safety of the car. The rest of them screamed and fled away from the phamplets a rather disheveled looking man. After the cars had torn out of the parking lot, them already tall man grew at least a foot, the hippie clothing turned into a black cowl, and two blue glows shined through the night.  
A'TUIN HAS SEEMED TO HAVE FORGOTTEN ME. HOW INCONSIDERATE.  
And he vanished.  
  


**The End**  
  


A/n: That wasn't even remotely insane. *glares in disgust* How awful. Ah well, review this please, flames are welcome to this one. Cliche in the works, FF.N is working again! Yay! Peace to my people! =)


End file.
